Jealousy, the Green-Eyed Monster

January 3, 2010

Jealousy is an emotion that all of us experience at some time or another. It’s quite normal to feel wishes to have more of your loved one to yourself and possibly to not like it when they appear to be devoting their time and attention to someone else. People who feel very secure in themselves and really like themselves tend to feel less jealous of others and less possessive of their partners.

People who have had abandonment and betrayal in their lives can be overwhelmed by jealousy, as can children who felt left by a parents’ divorce or parents who were otherwise emotionally unavailable. If you witnessed parents’ infidelity in your childhood, you may feel afraid that your partner will cheat too, even if they give you no cause to feel this way. If deep down you feel you are not really a desirable person or partner, then you may always think, “I’ve got to hold onto them and keep control or they will leave me.”

There are two jealousy scenarios that will erode and eventually destroy a marriage. One is when you feel constantly jealous of your partner and the other is when they are always jealous towards you.

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“I love you, but I’m not IN love with you”

December 26, 2009

The definition of love is infinite. People mean many different things when they speak of loving and being loved. But many couples both fight over and even break up over “not feeling loved enough” or “not loving you anymore” or even, “I love you, but I am not in love with you.” One’s subjective experience of love clearly counts a lot.

Where does it come from — your feelings of how you love another or what makes you feel loved?

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Couples Who Play Together Stay Together

December 20, 2009

A study out of the University of Denver showed that couples who have more fun time together also report more marital satisfaction and good feelings about their partner. This seems rather obvious I suppose, but the interesting thing is that for the most part couples are working very hard to be able to afford some fun and yet they aren’t taking any time to do that. In fact, another study found that couples are spending less time together than ever. Between trying to make a living in these tough economic times and being a very present parent, couples are finding it hard to make some “we” time. Sadly, the fact remains that no fun times may lead to real marital disaster, which besides being painfully tragic, costs a whole lot of money that most couples can afford even less.

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Marriage and Money

December 13, 2009

Money is one of the top topics for arguing in a marriage and also one of the main reasons for splitting up. Yet as important as this topic is to discuss, it is one of the subjects couples are least likely to talk about before and during a marriage.

Most couples feel it is not romantic or too personal to discuss, and so the problems mount until an explosion occurs. People come to a relationship with their own way of thinking about and dealing with money. Your money style has a lot to do with the way your parents dealt with money and also your risk-taking versus conservative personality style. In addition, in this day and age of many second marriages and step children many couples come to a marriage with debt, alimony, feelings about how much they want to spend on their biological child versus a step child, etc. These are all issues which need to be sorted out, discussed and understood before marriage.

Differences between the sexes in attitude toward money also make agreements difficult to come by. Both men and women tend to be concerned about retirement and the wish to have enough money to do so comfortably. Men still make most financial decisions about cars and investments whereas women do about major appliances and things for the kids. Most fights occur over spending for both men and women; who gets to, how much, from what pot? Besides money being a limited commodity and therefore couples are scared about not having enough (hence arguments) it also represents power and couples will argue over who has the power in the relationship. Feeling that the subject of money is taboo or embarrassing is the reason couples tend not discuss even the basics and hence anger builds and festers, good feelings begin to erode between them and ultimately a big blow up occurs.

Things you need to do:

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How the Economy Affects Your Libido

December 6, 2009

When people get stressed it greatly affects their sexuality. This is true for both men and women. There is an evolutionary cause at work here. When you are anxious about danger (in the caveman days, that would be a lion or bear coming by your cave), the last thing you want to risk is getting caught with your pants down, literally. It’s tough to run away or fight when you are locked in an amorous embrace. Hence, when we’re stressed or anxious, we tend to shut down sexually.

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Holiday Stress Test

December 6, 2009

Do you find yourself increasingly dreading the holidays? Do you find the shopping amongst hoards of desperate shoppers, the selecting of just the right gifts, the cooking of wonderful holiday treats and many get togethers of family and friends to be really less than joyful?

How do you know if you are managing your extra work–and the inevitable anxiety that comes with having more to do and more excitement–or if you are suffering from so much holiday stress that you need to do something to handle your holiday time differently (or risk a true holiday melt down)!

Answer these few holiday stress questions to help you assess how stressed you are this holiday season:

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“Examining” the Teen Brain

December 4, 2009

New research shows that the frontal lobe of the brain, the areas responsible for judgment and the ability to consider consequence, may not be fully developed until the early twenties. In addition, the nucleus accumbens (an area that has to do with impulsivity and responds somewhat with the idea “that felt good, so lets do it again”) is more active in adolescence.

This combination is consistent with what we often see and fear in teens, the impulsive, risk taking teenager. Is this an excuse for parents to say there is nothing they can do to prevent their teen from doing bad things? No, it is not. What this does mean is that parents and their supervision is needed even more than previously thought.

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