When people get stressed it greatly affects their sexuality. This is true for both men and women. There is an evolutionary cause at work here. When you are anxious about danger (in the caveman days, that would be a lion or bear coming by your cave), the last thing you want to risk is getting caught with your pants down, literally. It’s tough to run away or fight when you are locked in an amorous embrace. Hence, when we’re stressed or anxious, we tend to shut down sexually.
I am hearing from quite a few men who are not only worried about their finances but–to add insult to injury–are also having difficulty maintaining an erection. It’s bad enough to feel like you’ve failed in providing for your family, and it is awful to feel like a failure in bed on top of that. Sadly, many couples are simply not putting two and two together. They think it’s a separate problem that is causing the impotence. So couples are wondering: Is our relationship in trouble? Is he no longer attracted to me?
If you are having financial concerns, and most everyone is, or certainly if one of you has lost a job, it is highly likely that any new problems in bed are related. See if there are any new medications that your partner has been taking that could affect his libido. If that’s not the cause, it is likely the terrible strain of our current situation. Either way, you’ll want your partner to see an internist because erectile problems can be the first symptom of cardiovascular issues or diabetes.
Tell each other you understand the problem and reassure your partner that it is not a lack of affection or attraction. Adding a little extra excitement by trying something new–a new outfit, position, act or even a little erotic film or book can help. An erectile dysfunction medication can temporarily help him get past this time, and then he can stop using it once he has regained his confidence.
By spending more time talking and helping each other with what actually worries you, you will ease tension, build intimacy and regain ability in bed.