Having a good sex life is extremely important to your own emotional health and the health of your marriage. But numerous things can get in the way. Pregnancy and young children leave you tired, sleepless and with a little person pulling on you day and night. This is hardly conducive to being in the mood. Yet it is exactly this stressful time that requires you find ways to connect and be intimate with your partner. In addition, later in marriage when you grow tired of the same old thing and feel in a rut is another time that sex often suffers. Empty nest is a peak time for divorce and lack of any sexual enjoyment is a big reason that many couples divorce. Any way you look at it, the need to work on and maintain a good sexual life requires thought and action.
- Address anger. Couples often disagree. But when you disagree and then don’t work it out, that anger festers and you certainly don’t feel like having sex. When stress is high (i.e., taking care of young kids), it gets worse. So talk early and talk often.
- Date nights. You need romance and you need emotional connection to want to have sex. Men are like microwaves — they heat up fast, but women are like crockpots — they need some time to warm up. Go for dinner, get a sitter, tell him you need to talk and have fun before jumping in the hay.
- Be in touch with your fantasy life. For women sex is 90% mental. If you think of nothing but dirty diapers and what you need at the grocery store, pleasureable sex just won’t happen. Think about what turns you on and, if you are comfortable sharing that with your partner, it is sure to turn him on, too.
- Mix it up. A rut is simply not sexy. Try something — anything — new. A new outfit, a new place, say something new. Variety is the spice of life.